Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
