the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
