you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
