hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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