I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
