is wine microwaveable?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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