never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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