he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
