I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I fill condoms, not promises.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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