is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
