Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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