It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
