I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
