He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
