...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
