I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
40s are totally the cure
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
