Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You ruined the universe
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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