we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
