i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
