i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
