Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
