My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
