There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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