If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
