im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
