Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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