my room smells like sperm. sweet.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
No more Irish car bombs ever.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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