my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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