Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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