He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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