Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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