Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
