Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
