Well douche your snatch and let's go!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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