she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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