Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
