operation have a gay friend backfired
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
