MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
