i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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