Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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