too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
