Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
