Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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