My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
