can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
