Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
