so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
