I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
