Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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