The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
only if we run a train.
done.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
