Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
