just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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